home

Home is where the Heart is
They said
Between a hard cage and tight strings
Between open blue skies , fertile hills
And self-preservation

Where is home?
If not with the familiar
Or even with the strange

Where's the place
Where's the rad that I can call
My own?

tis week in review

Dr Britain.
Dinosaurs weren't on the arc.... interesting...
Walking by faith.... Le Christ

And all in all I enjoy sleep, being with animals and the near earth experience.

This Week in Logic

They pumped her full of saline
They said she was too salty

She feared sleepewalking so she tied her self to the bed
She feared her hands would do something weird so she tied them together
She wanted to sleep so she drank NyQuil
She wanted to not ache so she took Tylenol
She wanted to talk so she asked
She wanted to be quiet, so she tried to make a gag

She wanted to share so she reached out
She wanted to care so she lived
She wanted to share so she wrote
She wanted to cry but she lied
She payed in bed, hoping for a long night
But she awoke and she saw morning

Hey world
She said,
Didn't think I'd see you here, again
But hey, there's no voice of reason
There's no need to make sense,
So let's just rock it through today
And hope for a better end.

who

To whom do we turn?
To whom doe we run?

When a prayer doesn't feel like enough?

Leisur Pleasur

I realize the need to relax and unwind. Yet every time I try, it ends up to feel more of a burden.  It is hard for me to relax.  Very hard. I'm always on alert, hypersensitive and aware. Yet I feel the need to recoil and unwind. 

It grew harder and harder because what brought me much pleasure was lost. Or so I thought. Dressing up reminded me of the pain and the pleasure, songs, things, everything.  I felt a need to mourn the loss of  a thing by feeling pain through everything. Nothing lovely about that. And I try again to relax, but fail.

I remember my last successful attempt and the one before it. I remember the music, the people, the warmth, the belonging I felt. I remember her. When I sort the clips in my mind and relegate her to the back burners, I can see that I enjoyed that night because of many things, and not just her.  So I'm free to enjoy songs and music and dances from that night.  It wasn't all about her. 

Truth is, she's gone. My light doesn't have to go.  I can still smile, I can still feel, I can still love.  Love isn't a finite resource. I can make it and give it and receive it as much as I live, as much as I let. I won't allow my light to dimmed by the sounds, smells and things that remind me of that night.  Because I also danced, I sang, I drank, I loved and also lost. 

I will hold on to the comradarie I felt, the warmth of the love of my brothers and sisters, the happy sights of people enjoying themselves, the belongingness, the pleasure.

I'll climb aboard a vessel intended for sharing love and peace, pleasure and leisure. 

Though I remember the feeling of belonging, I know there aren't many places that have that to offer. I know I am a fountain of love.  You have taught me that even if it is not received, that I can still pour into those who want it. 

For that reason, I'm more interested in going out to give. Give time, food, money, a hug, love , care and whatever of my resources that I have to those who are in need and who want to receive. 

Yet,I won't abscond going to a club because I'll have the memory of you like a heavy load burdening me from enjoying myself.

    I will give and receive. And I'll give more where it counts more, where it would be valued more. 

So for tonight I pray for what I think could be
Health, wellness, wholeness.
Tonight's prayer will repeat the plea
The beckoning of a day with less dark clouds and painful memories
Of the haunting thoughts of the unknown

Tonight I pray for strength for tomorrow
I have no reserves to help me through it
So I look to you
From whence all my help come from

Tonight, I ask you to listen keenly
I need you more tonight.

At First sight

I want to give you the right impression at first sight
I want you to to not see my battles and scars
I want you to think me worthy
I want you to desire my heart