January 1 2015

 I will be a woman of God. I am a woman of God. I strive to please Him, honor Him and be what He needs me to be. What the kingdom needs.

Trials will come, but He is with me. And He's promised never to leave.

I pray, thankful for your sustenance. Thankful that I am quite fine the way you made me, and yet I strive to better the gifts you've entrusted in me. Like the laborer who increases his talents in the absence of His master.

I pray Lord, that my thoughts will please you, that my work honors you. Right now I look at things and I feel as if meeting the standard which you deserve is a place i am far from but drawing closer to.
Thank yu for giving me the desire to chase after you above all else. That's the best thing I could ever do.

I love you Lord, and I offer my heart to you as a sacrifice. I pray once more for your consecration, a new anointing, fresh oil. My Lord I am not the vessel I want to be, but I am clay and I trust you t mold me to carry what you will.

I surrender my cares tonight to you. I trust you Lord.

Please forgive me where i have fallen short and dishonoured you. You deserve honor and glory. They are due to you. Oh Lord I have fallen, but you helped me up and ut. You truly love me and don't desire ill for me.

I love you Lord. I ask that you will be pleased with my praise.

Your humble servant,
SL

2014 Revelations

As a mental health fanatic (lol) I am interested in adolescent, teen and young adults affected by anything listed in any DSM ever published. Particularly 

Suicide,
Homosexuality
Sexuality
Depression
Personality issues
to name a few

I have been fed with a lot in these 12 months with very useful information.


1.  Wallflower http://static.tumblr.com/awxlpm9/CQDm9cqa1/stephen_chbosky_the_perks_of_being_a_wallflower_1_.pdf


The link above  is to a book I was exposed to via Mental Health America on Facebook:

http://www.theguardian.com/money/2014/dec/17/holidays-and-the-cost-of-mental-health-author-of-the-perks-of-being-a-wallflower-says-you-are-not-alone


Now I have began to read it. The main character seems similar to my Brian in Bryan's Show and Tell.

2. Elliott Rodgers
He was driven to homicide and suicide because, for brevity's sake, but not wholly accurate (as one's decent into homicidal and suicidal thinking is often not due to a single cause but rather numerous factors that fill a cup which runs over) was not being attractive enough to the opposite sex to break his virginity. It was a sad thing, but sadder, the cause and the extent of his hurt.

There is a lot to be said about the Isla Vista "massacre" but I won't discuss gun control, and inadequacy of psychotherapy (as he was seeing a therapist), but rather, invisible pain.

I am still reading his manifesto " My Twisted Life" and was introduced to it by my bud Ollie. Thanks kupo. Pain and hurt reach deep. Just know that faces often hide the heart's pain. Be kind to others.

Then there is this fact. His hurt escalated. He never, though he was experiencing mental fatigue thought, planned and executed his revenge in a day. It escalated. One might wonder if it could have been prevented had better care been given. Just a thought.

Nonetheless before it reaches that boiling point, as water moves from cold to lukewarm to hot, so can the anger and hurt which may prompt homicidality move. And as one can prevent water from boiling by turning off the stove, so too, in my heart, can these hurt caused homicides be stopped.

I am not the only one. Prevention, early detection and treatment, easy access to treatment, affordability etc. are the focus of the before stage 4 campaign.

Trim the tree while it's young.

http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/b4stage4

Yes, the world needs to pay attention to mental health. Like real attention. Not only do the people living with an unhealthy mind/ mental illness suffer, but the hurt they feel may (unfortunately) lead to these massacres. 

Before stage 4 is an appeal to catch mental illness while it is yet a bud. It's easier to snip a bud than a grown tree.

3. Denver's prison, homelessness and mental health correlation

http://extras.denverpost.com/mentalillness/

Long article but worth the read. There are real people with real issues.



Imagine that caption replacing family with profession.
What profession?
Animal care/ Veterinary professions.
http://www.vet.utk.edu/save/

From the veterinarian to the kennel keeper there is a high susceptibility of mental decline throughout the veterinary field. Don't believe me? I'll cite a few things. Not as stats and numbers but as a sad reminder that veterinarians are the highest professionals to die by suicide.

This year, the community lost Dr Sophia Yin . She became my hero last semester with videos on her behavior training that uses only positive reinforcement. I liked the vids, and her company that made treat dispensers and was shocked when my Vet Nursing professor shared the news. She  said sad but casually.

The community mourns the death of Dr Yin, she had said. So sad I thought. I was uneasy the whole day. Well, more uneasy than usual, to clarify. I had been exposed to emergence of Vet Techs who wanted to be conselors for the profession, seeing the need and stress associated with the profession. A nameless Vet Tech created a company that would allow her to focus on the mental health of Vet techs. As an alum of my institution ans LATg (Lab Animal technologists) she knew the fact that.Animal care in shelters and labs is, let me say, quite challenging to healthy mind. Her company focused on Lab animal Vet Techs. It's not  done, her set up, but it is a great idea.

I though the idea was great. I loved psychology and was and am obsessed with the human-animal bond and plan to study animal behavior (sometime somewhere).  I thought her idea would fit in with my obsessions.
And alas I have found a perfect career: Veterinary Social Work
https://www.socialworkers.org/pubs/news/2013/07/veterinary-social-work.asp



 I can be Licsensed social worker be it LMCW or LMSW and work as a  psychotherapist focusing on animal- assisted therapy and veterinary mental health issues. When I thought and prayed about it I felt confused. I want to also study my Bible more and be closer to God, so I thought a M.Div would be cool.    Sure I can be close to Gd without a degree like that. And I seek his face about it.

My passions are being with God when my sojourn on earth has ended, living to glorify Him, helping people to see His love, the healthy mind, the brain and the human-animal bond. I know all things come from Him and so are my desires. I also think of my Jehovah as purposeful, thus my God-given desires are mine for a purpose which will give Him glory and help His people.


Rev. Gordon AR Edwards, Sr., PhD, PsyD, ABD, LMFT, LP -Ordained UMC Pastor, Certified Spiritual Director, Licensed Psychotherapist, Certified Life Coach, Mediator, & Mentor   (that's a mouthful) is an inspiration. He is a man of the cloth and of the Psi Chi community.

So as I head into my last semester of studying Veterinary Technology, I am considering what career I want to be in and start at it in baccalaureate studies.
I considered animal science focusing on animal behavior. A career in that field would include playing with baby mice and monkeys! Yay!
I considered neuroscience, and I'd be a smart researcher investigating the brain and depression. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe deeply.
I considered pastoral psychotherapy where I could help church folk and clergy deal with their mental health and social issues plus be active in church. If I studied Psychology and became a psychologist/ psychotherapy I would help people suffering.

I am still investigating. Nonetheless CSW seems the best option. i could do a BSc in Psychology then a MSW and further certification with human animal bond societies, animal assisted  and veterinary social work agencies as well.

I still feel inclined to d a BSW or a BSc in Animal Science

I am still investigating, though I said "Alas I have found.."
I know that Animal assistance is therapeutic: I'm an example. Thank you puppies for being there! There is numerous works out to support it. Dr Temple Grandin speaks worldwide about humane cattle handling and her autism.

I'll make a list. My focus is the end point. What will I do after I graduate? It now becomes a question for me.
Shai, what d you want to do? How do you see yourself in 10 -15 years?


To peruse:
michigan social work
nyu nyu aat group
 http://vetsocialwork.utk.edu/about.php
http://www.du.edu/socialwork/gsswnews/2011/2011-10-28-pands.html
http://www.du.edu/socialwork/programs/oncampus/twoyear/certificates/aaswcertificate.html


http://www.socialworktoday.com/archive/031513p6.shtml
http://www.socialworktoday.com/archive/031513p6.shtml


I will answer in my next post.

Love, Shai

For your glory

For His glory
For His pleasure
For the privilege to dwell in His presence forever

To be who He wants me to be
To do what He wants me to
To be His servant, doing His will
To abhor and abstain from that which shames you

All for your glory.

I ask for the strength to do these.
I pray that the desires of my heart will continue to be acceptable in Your sight.
Guard my heart and mind from
The snares of the adversary seeking to snatch me away from you.

I want to be with you always
The privilege of being in your court, in your tabernacle,
with the warmth of your splendor wrapped about me
With your light emanating and glowing on me
Oh keep me in your presence
For your glory.

Thoughts today

It is the last day of 2014.
I think to myself how horrible people are!
I am 2014 and I've been with them for twelve moths, then now they are planning a hullo-balloo for this new guy. I was with you this whole time, through so many things. Now you are eager to throw me away.

I am thankful.
I will pray
I am praying.
I am praying earnestly for His guidance.
 I need my steps to be ordered by Him. I feel He is silent in the parts I need or think I need to hear from Him the most. So now I am stuck, perhaps. Not moving.
I am waiting.
I am hopeful
I am trusting Him
I will be faithful to Him and His cause.

I need to be abut my Master's business.

Writing

Of course it is my pleasure to write.

no more envious hair

I am not all about my hair
My hair does not define Me
The way another woman wears her hair does not define her

Yes,
Our choices are influenced by a lot of things
And quite frankly
The curiosity of what motivates another should be second place to what motivates me


Beautiful hair is natural to admire
But not necessarily to be had

not everything delightful should be desired and acquired

And as such. I will make a decision to allow my hair to be
MY HAIR.
not a trademark
an advertisement
a wonder
an awe
an envy


But hair.


There is so much more to focus on than that which protrudes, dies, regrows and cycle.


selah

Eviction Notice

The thing about it all
Is that I know it is the enemy
It cannot be anything else.

The thing about it is
I know what I can do to stop
It reallly is a simple matter

He says guard your thoughts
Arrest every imagining
Bring under captivity everything that arises in the subconscious

Yet, the difficulty seems insurmountable

Aha

That is where he wants you
That place where one thing seems too much
And after finding that one thing
He wll do all he cal to bring it to mind
As often as can be
To be ruminated on and salvaged as the ruth

But the thing is..
It is not at all the truth
Those are only lies


He already told me what I should have in me and how to get it
He already told me I a m  loved
So why then am I punishing myself
Why then do I refuse to desist from what rends my soul
Why then should I allow destructive thoughts to take control of me?

WHy
WHY??

When s o much has been done to secure this life for me?
An innocent man given a criminal's death so that my sins hold me not
When ancestors have foughts inner demons and outside kremlins so that I can have self worth

Why
WHY then should I wage  an endless war
Against my own self?

Why should I batter myself with defeat
Not good enough
Not smart enough
Not disciplined enough
Not normal enough
Not Christian enough
Not good enough
Not pretty enough
Not god enough Not good enough not god enough not good enough

Whe He wh  made all things, knoweth all things
Sees all things loves me?


The thing is, it has to be the Fther of Lies
And  say to you
BOOOO!
I gotcha
You almost had me there with your jokes

You a funny lill bird

Singing this song round and round, round and round, round and round \
All the day long.

But I got news for you
Fear
Worry
ANXIety
Low self esteem
Low worth
Disbelief
Disobedience
Self healing
Pride

all rob me from being fruitful
I wasn't put on this earth to cry
or stay up with a heavy heart

I was made to GIVE GOD GLORY
In all that I do.

This is unproductive
Looking at other peoples lives, comparing, judging,
While yet hating myself for not being lik them.

[Psalm 16] promises that my Lord will sustain me
The Psalmist writes of a comforter being the portion of my cup.
And I am thankful that you give each our own cup and fill as you please

I am thankful for salvation by which we can enjoy you


And  I know that I have all reason to be bold,
It is afterall a trait of your sheep
To whom you have given a sound mind and boldness
Not fear (2 Timothy 1:7)


I live striving for (Galations 5: 15-26)
Love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance:

Without which being your child is made naught

He gave u protection

in

(Ephesins 6: 11-20)

 11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;

15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;

16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.

17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:

18 Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;

19 And for me, that utterance may be given unto me, that I may open my mouth boldly, to make known the mystery of the gospel,

20 For which I am an ambassador in bonds: that therein I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak.

I will think on those things.
Protecting myself against dangers in and without
By guarding the doors of mind,
Putting on the whole armor,
lest I leave  vulnerability for the enemy's attack


These things will I rest my mind upon
Feast my soul with
And meditate on.

The thing is
God is in control
You are just trying

And this ship will be anchored by the hand that calms waters and parts the red sea
Not by your whips and blows

Get thee behind me Satan
You lose

And I know you gonna try again.
Which is cool That is how you operate
But no matter how much time my studies take
Or how much others live their lives and have success or shortcomings
Or the circumstances see tumultuous

I know steps are ordered in way of the Lord
I know He will guide
He is with me even when you whisper your dirty, slimy lies
And when I believe them
He is there when I catch you
And arrest those thoughts before they seep in

He is there when I glorify Him for giving the Spirirt to dwell in us and around us


Thing is
This is not your world
This is no your body

And you need to know that

Heck I need to know that

SO let me say this in a few words (oh now you wanna be brief)

I am about my Father's Business.
I am seriously tired of you
You are evicted

Those thoughts
Those behaviors
Those lies I believed
Those hurts I thought I needed to fuel a rage too unimportant for an ounce of energy

Kiss them adieu

i know
U thought you had me
                           Naw.

I m royalty
I am a child of the King
I am a Purple Heart soldier
My commander does not leave me behind

Enemy you are evicted.
Get hence.